I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
OPIZZABONMYDICK
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
