I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
