ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
