Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
