the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
