She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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