I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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