i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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