I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize