I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
