We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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