Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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