bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
