Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize