Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
