Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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