thus making me awesome and them whores
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
