Quick, to the slutcave!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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