In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
