i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
