Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
