WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
