The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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