I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
