You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
