Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
