i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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