also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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