Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
