dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
