if i can run in heels then i can drive
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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