is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
