im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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