Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize