dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
God gave him joint rollers for hands
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So much rum. So many feels.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
