He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize