fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
