I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize