It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
and you fell through a lawn chair
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
