His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
