Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
