my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
