I'm going to jail i love you
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
