Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
