I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She bit a glass in half.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
