mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
is it fun? or sober?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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