If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
God, I missed his penis.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
