Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
