I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
