He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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