I will die if light touches me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
