Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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