Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
