Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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