do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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