I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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