I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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