So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
