The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
