the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize