what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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