Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
