I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
