Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
