what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
