if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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