Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
