She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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