I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
