tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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