i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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