Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
