my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
