I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
