I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
