I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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