i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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