I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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