How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
