before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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