its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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