if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
