Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My balls are so social today.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize