My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
