I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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