im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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