you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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