KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
