One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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